Episode 1 The Impossible Astronaut (1)

Canton: Doctor Who, exactly?
Amy: Ah. That's classified.
Canton: Classified by whom?
Amy: God knows.

(River slaps the Doctor)
The Doctor: Okay, I'm assuming that's for something I haven't done yet.
River: Yes it is.
The Doctor: Good, looking forward to it.

Richard Nixon: Who are you?
The Doctor: Nah, boring question. Who's phoning you? That's interesting. Because Canton III is right. That was definitely a girl's voice, which means there's only one place in America she can be phoning from.
Canton: Where?
Carl: Do not engage with the intruder, Mr Delaware!
The Doctor: You heard everything I heard, it's simple enough. Give me five minutes, I'll explain. On the other hand, lay a finger on me or my friends and you'll never, ever know.
Canton: (pointing to the TARDIS) How'd you get it in here? I mean, you didn't carry it.
The Doctor: Clever, eh?
Canton: Love it.
Carl: Do not compliment the intruder!
Canton: Five minutes?
The Doctor: Five.
Carl: Mr President, that man is a clear and present danger.
Canton: Mr President, that man walked in here with a big blue box and three of his friends, (indicates Carl) and that's the man he walked past. One of them is worth listening to. I say we give him five minutes. See if he delivers.
The Doctor: Thanks, Canton.
Canton: If he doesn't, I'll shoot him myself.
The Doctor: Not so thanks.
Carl: Sir, I cannot recommend...
Richard Nixon: Shut up, Peterson! (to Canton) All right.
Canton: Five minutes.

The Doctor: Mr President! That child just told you everything you need to know, but you weren't listening. Never mind though, because the answer's "yes". I'll take the case. Fellas, the guns? Really? I just walked into the highest security office in the United States, parked a big blue box on the rug... You think you can just shoot me?
River Song: (Bursting out of the TARDIS) They're Americans!
The Doctor: Don't shoot. Definitely don't shoot.

River: This is cold. Even by your standards, this is cold.
The Doctor: Or "hello", as people used to say.

Rory: What did you mean, what you said to Amy? "There's a worse day coming for you."
River: When I first met the Doctor, a long long time ago, he knew all about me. Think about that. Impressionable young girl, suddenly this man just drops out of the sky. He's clever and mad and wonderful, and knows every last thing about her. Imagine what that does to a girl.
Rory: I don't really have to.
River: Trouble is, it's all back to front. My past is his future. We're travelling in opposite directions. Every time we meet, I know him more, he knows me less. I live for the days when I see him. But I know that every time I do, I'm one step further away. The day's coming when I'll look into that man's eyes, my Doctor, and he won't have the faintest idea who I am. And I think it's going to kill me.

Rory: What's through there?
River: No idea.
Rory: Something bad?
River: Almost definitely.
Rory: You're going to open it, aren't you?
River: Well, it's locked. How's a girl supposed to resist?
Rory: Is this sensible?
River: God, I hope not.

The Doctor: Rory, would you mind going with her?
Rory: Yeah. A bit.
The Doctor: Then I'd appreciate it more.
Rory: (sighs) Hang on, River. I'm coming too.

The Doctor: Be careful.
River: Careful. Tried that once. Ever so dull.
The Doctor: Shout if you get in trouble.
River: Don't worry. I'm quite the screamer. Now there's a spoiler for you.
Canton: What's going on?
The Doctor: Uhh, nothing. She's just a friend.
Rory: I think he's talking about the possible alien incursion.

Amy: But why? If you can make it all the way to Earth, why steal technology that could barely make it to the Moon?
The Doctor: Maybe because it's cooler. Look how cool this stuff is.
Amy: Cool aliens?
The Doctor: Well, what would you call me?
Amy: An alien.

Amy: Okay, but why would anyone want to trap us?
The Doctor: Ah, let's see if anyone tries to kill us and work backwards.

The Doctor: And Doctor Song, you've got that face on again.
River: What face?
The Doctor: The "he's hot when he's clever" face.
River: This is my normal face.
The Doctor: Yes it is.
River: Oh, shut up.
The Doctor: Not a chance.

The Doctor: Jefferson isn't a girl's name. It's not her name, either. Jefferson, Adams, Hamilton, River!
River: Surnames of three of America's Founding Fathers.
The Doctor: Lovely fellows. Two of them fancied me.

The Doctor: I'm going to need a SWAT team ready to mobilise, street maps covering all of Florida, a pot of coffee, twelve Jammie Dodgers, and a fez.
Canton: Get him his maps.

President Nixon: Who are they? And what is that box?
The Doctor: It's a police box, can't you read? I'm your new undercover agent, on loan from Scotland Yard. Code name: The Doctor. (indicates Amy, Rory, River) These are my top operatives, The Legs, The Nose, and Mrs. Robinson.
River: I hate you.
The Doctor: No you don't.

River: Richard Milhouse Nixon. Vietnam, Watergate. Some good stuff, too.
The Doctor: Not enough.
River: Hippie.
The Doctor: Archaeologist.

President Nixon: You were my second choice, Mr. Delaware.
Canton: That's okay. You're my second choice for President, Mr. Nixon.

Amy: Trust me.
The Doctor: Okay.
Amy: You have to do this. And you can't ask why.
The Doctor: Are you being threatened? Is someone making you say that?
Amy: No.
The Doctor: You're lying.
Amy: I'm not lying.
The Doctor: Swear to me. Swear to me on something that matters.
(long pause)
Amy: Fish fingers and custard.
(pause, the Doctor smiles at Amy)
The Doctor: My life in your hands. Amelia Pond.

The Doctor: Time isn't a straight line, it's all bumpy-wumpy. There's loads of boring stuff, like Sundays and Tuesdays, and Thursday afternoon. But now and then there are Saturdays. Big temporal tipping points when anything's possible. TARDIS can't resist them, like a moth to a flame. She likes a party, so I give her 1969, NASA, because that's space in the 60s. And Canton Delaware Everett III, and this is where she's pointing.

The Doctor: I'm being extremely clever up here and there's no one to stand around looking impressed. What's the point in having you all?

The Doctor: Now, then, Canton Everett Delaware the Third. That was his name, eh? How many of those can there be? Well, three, I suppose.

Amy: You're okay. How can you be okay?
The Doctor: Hey, of course I'm okay. I'm always okay, I'm the King of Okay. Oh, that's a rubbish title, forget that title. Rory the Roman, that's a good title. Hello, Rory.

Rory: Hey, nice hat.
The Doctor: I wear a Stetson now. Stetsons are cool.

Amy: So what's been happening? Because you've been up to something.
The Doctor: I've been running. Faster than I've ever run. And I've been running my whole life. Now it's time for me to stop.

Rory: So when are we going to 1969?
Amy: And since when do you drink wine?
The Doctor: I'm 1103, I must've drunk it sometime. (spits it out) Oh, white's horrid. I...I...I thought it would taste more like the gum.
Amy: 1103? You were 908 the last time we saw you.
The Doctor: And you've put on a couple of pounds. I wasn't going to mention it.

Amy: "The personal intervention of the King, the unnamed Doctor was incarcerated without trial in the Tower of London.
Rory: Okay, but it doesn't have to be him.
Amy: "According to contemporary accounts, two nights later a magical sphere some 20 feet across was seen floating away from the Tower, bearing the mysterious Doctor aloft."
Rory: Okay, it's him.