Mels: (about the Doctor) You said he was funny. You never said he was hot.
The Doctor: Sorry. Hello. Doctor not following this, Doctor very lost. You never said I was hot.
Young Mels: But how can he travel in time?
Young Amelia: Because he's got a time machine, stupid!
Young Rory: (comes through door) I thought we were playing hide and seek! I've been hiding for hours!
Young Amelia: Well, we just haven't found you yet.
The Doctor: You shot it! You shot my TARDIS! You shot the console!
Mels: It's your fault!
The Doctor: How is it my fault?
Mels: You said guns didn't work in this place! You said we're in a state of temporal grace!
The Doctor: Oh, that was a clever lie, you idiot! Anyone could've told it was a clever lie!
Female Teacher: Mels, did you not understand the question? I'm asking you why the Titanic sank.
Mels: Because the Doctor didn't save it. Except you don't know about the Doctor because you're stupid.
Mels: Yeah, I've heard a lot about you. I'm their best mate.
Doctor: Then why don't I know you? I've danced with everyone at the wedding. The women were all brilliant, the men were a bit shy.
Mels: I don't do weddings.
Mels: I need out of here now.
The Doctor: Anywhere in particular?
Mels: Let's see. You got a time machine, I've got a gun. What the hell, let's kill Hitler.
Amy: Where are we?
The Doctor: A room.
Rory: What room?
The Doctor: I don't know what room. I haven't memorized every room in the universe, I had yesterday off.
Amy: Okay, Doctor, explain what is happening, please.
The Doctor: Mels. Short for...
Amy: Yeah, I named my daughter after her.
The Doctor: You named your daughter after your daughter.
Robot Antibody: Welcome. You will experience a tingling sensation and then death.
Rory: Is anybody else finding this day just a bit difficult? I'm getting this sort of banging in my head.
Amy: Yeah, I think that's Hitler in the cupboard.
Rory: That's not helping.
Rory: What's wrong with you, what's she done to you?
The Doctor: Poisoned me. But I'm fine. Well, no, I'm dying. But I've got a plan.
Amy: What plan?
The Doctor: Not dying.
German Officer: What are you doing here?
River: Well, I was on my way to this gay Gypsy bar mitzvah for the disabled when I suddenly thought, "Gosh, the Third Reich's a bit rubbish. I think I'll kill the Fuhrer." Who's with me?
Rory: Okay. Okay, I'm trapped inside a giant robot replica of my wife. I'm really not trying to see this as a metaphor.
Amy: How can we be in here?
Amy: How do we fit?
Rory: Miniaturization ray.
Amy: How would you know that?
Rory: Well, there was a ray and we were miniaturized.
Amy: All right.
River: Are you serious?
The Doctor: Never knowingly. Never knowingly be serious. Rule 27, you might want to write these down.
The Doctor: I'm not dead.
Amy Robot: You're dying.
The Doctor: Well, at least I'm not a time-traveling, shape-shifting robot operated by miniaturized cross people. Which I've got to admit, I didn't see coming.